I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
