I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
