Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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