I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
