We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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