I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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