Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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