For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
