so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
