I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
