So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
