thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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