Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
