The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
