It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
i think my cat just said my name.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
