u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
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just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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