cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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