garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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