ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
