Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
