Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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