you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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