Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
