we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
smell my finger.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
