I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
