According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
