If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It's shark week go big or go home
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
