shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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