how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
