In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize