Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
