Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
