I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
