I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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