Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
