So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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