Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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