The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
