Your mouth is God's brothel.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
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so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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