well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
