I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
