He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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