3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
