TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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