Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
