Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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