The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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