ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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