I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
