i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
