i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
