It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
