I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
