Cold hands, warm shart.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
