She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
