I wish my penis had an off switch
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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