Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
