...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
