omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
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Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
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And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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