why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
