Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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