if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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