I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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