just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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