I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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