loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
