i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
