I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Randomize
