Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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