and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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