i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize