It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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