i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
